90% crud, 10% worth dying for

This is Bon Jovi week, and all the idols had to take a Bon Jovi song, and mentored by Jon himself, embarass themselves in front of thirty million people…
I love this show so much and feel like kicking myself for not watching it all those years when, well, I wasn’t watching any television and rationalized that it was all junk anyway.
Sturgeon’s Law says that “Ninety percent of science fiction is crud, but that’s because ninety percent of everything is crud.”. Television is no exception; it’s 90% crud, but that implies that 10% of it is worth watching. With a hundred channels available, there could be ten programs on showing stuff you might enjoy watching. And I have recently discovered my own corollary to Sturgeon’s Law, which is: Just because 90% of people enjoy something, it doesn’t follow that it’s crud.
I still can’t figure out what people see in sitcoms. My son watches those; Friends, Seinfeld, King of Queens, Everyone Loves Raymond… sometimes I watch, too… I dunno… I’d rather compare movies like My Best Friend’s Wedding and The Holiday and try to figure out when Cameron Diaz forgot how to act. (Note: US Airways forced me to watch The Holiday when I flew back to California last month. It wasn’t voluntary.)
American Idol is a show that defied all my expectations. It wasn’t all Beyonce clones screaming out endless runs to songs with no defined melody or lyrics. There are some, actually, but they are savaged by the judges. It’s fairly ordinary people whose lives are being forced by unseen ‘producers’ into an entertaining narrative arc while they suffer under incredible pressure in order to entirely change their lives. It’s a transformation, and is painful, like all transformations.
And it is absolutely riveting.
You have Phil Stacey, the navy officer with the shiny head. Fans call him “Nosferatu” because he looks undead with those sunken eyes and chilling stare. During Country Week, the judges thought he had finally found his niche, so now he feels he must sing every song in a country style. Last night he tried to country-fy “Blaze of Glory”… and it was a mess. He would have done better singing Chris’ song (“Dead or Alive”). He will be going home tonight, and the other idols will be able to stop wearing those garlic bracelets.
You have Jordin Sparks, whom the judges would like to remind you is only seventeen, and was looking forward to a career of being a Beyonce clone and singing endless runs to songs without melody or words… just couldn’t manage “Living on a Prayer”. She couldn’t do it in rehearsal and couldn’t do it on stage and though the producers have been setting her up as TCO — The Chosen One — only the help from last week’s votes can bring her back next week.
Lakisha, whom I’ve been saying so long to for weeks now, pulled off “This Ain’t a Love Song”, made it her own. Pretty nice for someone who isn’t a professional singer, like Melinda, Jordin and Blake… having her win would be an upset, and last night, she might have done that. Unfortunately, she has been so cruddy lately that it might not be enough to save her.
BLAKE!!!! LEWIS!!!! did “You Give Love a Bad Name”… and made it his own as much as he didn’t make “Imagine” his last week. I was so excited when he started with the sound effects in the beginning and nearly melted when he went with the beatboxing. If you loved Blake before, you love him more now. If you didn’t like him before… you’re probably a Beyonce fan and only enjoy endless runs in songs without any… well, you get the idea.
Ryan introduced Chris Richardson as “Justin Timberlake”. BURN. He did “Wanted Dead or Alive” as if Bad Company had done it. I thought it would have been better sung by Phil. It was awful, it was horrendous. Chris is going home.
Mindydoo was last with “Have a Nice Day”. She’s a pro, an industry vet, why is she even on the show with everyone else? Producers want her off the show but they can’t say anything bad about her because there is nothing bad to say about her. Aside from the fact that she is a professional singer and is a zillion times better than anyone else and where’s the dramatic arc in a professional singer winning an amateur singing contest? I loved her performance; she can sound like anyone and last night went with Tina Turner. I’d be devastated if she lost, but she must lose so Blake can win… Please, though, not before Jordin, Phil and Chris leave. Lakisha has my permission to knock her off, but only if she keeps bringing what she brought last night.
Sometimes, when thirty million people like something… it turns out to be good. I might be wrong about Survivor, too…

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