I had no idea my blog was so popular until I started getting dozens of spam comments each day. These guys would make millions with their illicit drugs if I would only let their comments through! What market pull I must have! I admit, it is tough having America’s Favorite Blog, but I bear the burden gladly.
With that in mind, I went to the web site of the US Patent and Trademark Office to find out a little more about America’s Favorite things.
McDonald’s, of course, has America’s Favorite Sandwich and America’s Favorite Fries. America’s Favorite Sandwich, though, isn’t the McDonald’s hamburger… America’s Favorite Hamburger is sold by Burger King. I don’t know if they use America’s Favorite Ketchup (Heinz) on it, but why wouldn’t they? It has to be more than half America’s Favorite Ingredients to be America’s Favorite! The other half can be America’s Favorite rat droppings, I guess.
It’s a gripping read. America’s Favorite Coach? DEAD. America’s Favorite Lawyer? DEAD. America’s Favorite Bag Lady (Baggy Maggy, of course?) DEAD. She was big into heavy coats, gloves, eyeglasses, and American Flags. Baggy Maggy will never eat another scoop of America’s Favorite Cat Food, Meow Mix. Never enjoy America’s Favorite Vacation Lifestyle at Condotel.
Looking up America’s Favorite on Google gives us pages and pages into America’s character.
We Americans would be nothing without America’s Favorite Drug – caffeine – and our favorite Drug Pusher, Starbuck’s. Who among us hasn’t whispered the words of America’s Favorite Poem, “The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock”, to a loved one? That poem, though, doesn’t contain America’s Favorite Word, “defenestration”. I believe it. I first encountered that work in John Irving’s “The Hotel New Hampshire.”
Keep passing the open windows.
For the past few weeks, I’ve been quizzing friends and relatives about America’s Favorite things. Almost everyone can guess America’s Favorite Pickup Truck – the Ford F150; America’s Favorite Pasttime – Baseball; and America’s Favorite Chef – Julia Child. Nobody gets America’s Favorite Number (it’s not seven. Everyone says that but they’re lying — it’s not their favorite!), America’s Favorite Chainsaw, or America’s Favorite Biker Band.
Microsoft spent zillions trying to find America’s Favorite Zoo for the release of Zoo Tycoon 2. It was Tulsa’s Zoo, in the end. They even trademarked “America’s Favorite Zoo”, but have now abandoned it.
When we Americans decide upon our favorite things, we don’t let the fact that they no longer exist change our minds. America’s Favorite Variety Show – Ed Sullivan. America’s Favorite Clown – Red Skelton (or Emmet Kelly Jr. I feel a real need to see a clown on clown cage match to decide it.) America’s Favorite Neighbor – no, it’s not Canada, but Mr. Rogers. Our favorite Entertainer is Bing Crosby; favorite virgin is Doris Day (only because Rock Hudson was gay, I’m sure); and Artist, Norman Rockwell. I never would have guessed Slim Whitman was our Favorite Folk Artist, but words don’t lie.
I started this thinking America would turn out to eat at McDonald’s, shop at Walmart, and read USA Today. We do all that but so, so much more.
I leave you with America’s Favorite Punctuation Mark.
2 thoughts on “America’s Favorite”
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heh too funny
Nothing better than sipping America’s Favorite drug while perusing America’s favorite blog. Fun post! 🙂