everquest

Back in 2003, The Quon was having trouble getting people to realize that their class was crap because they were not a cleric, the class around which Norrath revolved. And if they WERE a cleric, they were crap because they were not The Quon.
I can just imagine that The Quon is starting a Warrior Priest on some server *right now*.
If you wanted to group with The Quon, you better know your responsibilities to The Quon — and because he was JUST THAT GOOD, he wrote up a list of his expectations for his groupmates, by class…
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The Quon teaches the classes to the masses.
As a part of The Quons ongoing mission to bring a deeper sense of understanding and shit to the peeps of Norrath, I’m dropping the first in a series of definitive class breakdowns.
Bards – Band geeks who’s natural defense involves a drum and blurry feet. Sounds like the wet dream of half of VI’s geek ass dev team. On the aesthetic tip, The Quon digs the female bard in a big way, not a dog race in the bunch. As a class though, they have one of the worst naming track records in the game. Seriously..Notes, Chords, Melody, and such shit. C’mon, if I see one more Bard with some name like Halfnote McSongandDance or Minstril St.PolkaSinger, The Quon’s gonna SL the whole class just on general principle. Not like that would matter much. When’s the last time anyone actually hunted with a Bard anyway? I catch Mana Song whiffs every now and then around the nexus or in the GY’s in PoP, but The Quon sure as shit never groups with one. I’m guessing there’s a Swarm Kiting zone out there where they follow each other around in a clockwise circle jerk for xp. Fun. But I miss them, if only cause I want to bust out my old hot key, “Play mana song and rub my feet.”
The Quon’s general heal strategy for Bards: Hit ’em with a Celestial periodically as a gesture of good will, and if they insist on selfishly requiring the MCs valuable mana I wait until they’re at 40% and i send them a /tell to “run!!”. Then I giggle my ass off.
Beastlords – The Quon can count with his nuts the number of times he’s grouped with these aberrations. But it seems like every fourth rez request is from one of these freaks who’s all like “I need your help”. If they pays, The Quon plays. Beastlords are another class dangerously close to mass Shit Listing based on having the most stupid names per capita. Petme SoftPuss, Catank, Tigerlily Growlinflower, WTF? The only way someone would invite a name like that to a group is if the group leaders were Seigfried and his man-toy Roy.
The Quon’s general heal strategy for Beastlords: After I rez one, Celestial usually does the trick. In group? Who the fuck knows?
Way more after the break 🙂

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